Fear is an illusion, especially emotional fear (fear of being emotionally hurt by another person) created by the mind to keep you going in circles, a story you tell yourself to give you a false sense of control so you can constantly self-sabotage and you won’t even know it unless you’re conscious of it. Fear tells you you aren’t good enough, that you aren’t deserving enough, that you can’t possibly have and keep the things that you want so desperately to have. Fear says that “(fill in the blanks)” will happen, and once you continue that mindset, you’ll create events, situations, & circumstances that only live in your own mind and false sense of ‘reality’ to make damn sure that “_______” will happen. I see it all the time. That person that was cheated on in the past, finds someone new and continues that thought process of “cheating” even if the person has never given them a reason to think the way that they do, and if they have found a reason, I would place a bet that the ‘reason’ still has something to do with their own mindset and thought process. The mind will create ANY excuse to see what it wants to see, and it will give it its own validation, regardless if it actually makes sense or not. Your attention will be placed on only the things your fear wants you to see. That thought process comes out in words and in actions. Don’t worry, when that person who you have now placed responsibility on for your own past either does cheat on you, or just leaves you…don’t point the finger at them. There’s a reason why we have certain patterns that show up in our lives. Fear lives in the past. That “blank” comes from your past, and the only person that is responsible for healing that past is you. If not, expect that pattern to show up yet again, giving you even more reasons to continue on with the same thought process. If you point to someone across the room and say “I think this person hates me” – who is actually the one hating who? Maybe it’s their body language, and you’ll tell yourself that’s the reason why you think this way so you can validate it, even though that person that you have now placed your own insecurities on, in truth, just had a bad day and is acting off.
Fear causes us to place a mask on our true selves, and when we put on this mask, we dismiss the parts of ourselves that we are attempting to cover up, which is anything but self-love. Essentially what we are telling ourselves is that, “My true self is not worth being seen by another” or in the context of fear, “I am afraid that if this person sees this part of me, they will abandon me or I will be rejected by them.” Ask yourself this question, “who in this world knows the real you?” Also ask yourself how fear shows up in your life. It can be sneaky. For some, fear causes them to cover up their fear by acting a certain way. I know I always turned to comedy in uncomfortable situations. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel fully connected to someone else due to fear of abandonment and rejection.
The past doesn’t exist “now”. The future doesn’t exist “now”. Why continue to live your life through a prior lens when each and every moment is fresh, brand new? Whether you are living in the past or running from it, the past still has a tight grip on you, like a boa constrictor squeezing the life out of you.
Think of all the possible things that could happen if you stopped doing this to yourself. What could possibly happen if you lost that false sense of control? After all, the only things that “control” ever allowed you to experience is crap. If your past already sucked, what is there to lose? If you don’t like what you’ve already experienced, why keep allowing yourself to experience it? Why do you continue to want to continue experiencing it even though you don’t want to experience it?
This is not to say that we should completely remove fear from our lives. Fear has its place. However, especially when it comes to emotional fear, we should not allow this fear to stop us from living up to our true potential and have the things that we want in life. Do not allow this fear to consume you.
It’s not easy, I know first hand. And nobody is perfect. But I bet you’d be surprised at how things will shift, once you start shifting yourself.