The Difference Between Self-Blame and Self-Accountability [Read this if you are stuck on your spiritual or twin flame journey]

I have been thinking about this recently.  How can one take accountability for one’s own self, but at the same time avoid negative self-talk and putting self down?  I asked myself what the difference was, where is the “cutoff” – when does taking account for yourself turn into negative self-talk and putting yourself down?

What does self-blame look like?  Self-blame is a constant circle of negative self talk and “fault.”  Self blame brings us down.  Self-blame causes guilt and shame.  Self-blame is the reason that some people can exhibit excessive type of behaviors (like over-doing something, or people pleasing).  Self-blame does not take into account anything other than the negative.  Self-blame is based in the past. 

Self-blame looks like this:

“This is all my fault.”

“I hate and don’t like myself, I wish I was someone else.”

“Toxic people come into my life no matter what I do.”

“Everything I do backfires, there is no point in trying.”

“I did ___________, so I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I hurt someone, I am a bad person.  A really bad person, I don’t deserve anything good in this world.”

“I failed at __________, I don’t deserve to have [insert something good].” 

“I know I am responsible for my own emotions, but I can’t be successful in my inner progress.”

“I know that I could do ___________, but I can’t get past the wound in me to allow myself to do it, I will fail in all aspects.”

“I know it is my fault that I have not made the inner progress that I want to make, and I am disappointed in myself because I am not yet where I want to be.”

“I think I [insert something that you think that another person experiences as bad], I am not worthy of experiencing a connection with this person because of it.”

“I can’t heal my abandonment wounds, I will fail.  This makes me sad because I need to get past this pain in order to get what I want in life, but I can’t, I won’t.”

“I feel ashamed that I ____________.”

“I feel ashamed that I _____________.  I know that I am responsible for this shame that I feel, but I still feel it, and now I am sad because I can’t seem to get myself out from this shame.”

Self-blame is the rejection of your state of being in the present moment through negative self talk that persists.  Self-blame leaves you feeling drained and with a low sense of self.  It will keep you on the hamster wheel of self-sabotage.  Self-blame is “being hard on yourself.”  Do you see how this is about the past?  It stems from the past, and it brings the past into the present moment in a way that prevents us from changing our present state of being.  It is bringing the past into the present, constantly.

Self-accountability on the other hand, takes acceptance into account.  Self-accountability is being aware of your responsibility to yourself, but also in a state of acceptance of your state of being in the present moment, allowing moments of self-blame to be felt and tendered to, but not persist.  Self-accountability is taking responsibility for self without rejection.  Acceptance and the present moment are key here.  Self-accountability can take the past into consideration, but it focuses on the present and it uses the present moment to bring peace rather than pain.

Self-accountability looks like this:

“I know I did something bad in the past, I cannot go back and change what I did.  I know that I am responsible for the feelings I have as a result of this.  What I can change is how I feel here and now.  I know that I deserve to be happy and that I do deserve good things in life, I am aware that I subconsciously hold the opposite belief but I am working on this and I am at peace with my progress.”

“I feel ashamed that I ________________.  I know that I am responsible for this shame, and I still feel it, but I will not allow myself to continue on with the same thoughts that will prevent me from getting out of this state of being.  I am working on getting my peace back, and although I am not quite there yet, I am accepting where I am at with this in the present moment.”

“I know that I am not where I want to be yet in my journey back to myself, and I am at peace with my progress and continue to work and grow further.”

“I am working on healing my abandonment wounds.  I have made a lot of progress so far, but the old thought patterns still creep up on me from time to time.  Instead of jumping back onto that hamster wheel, I observe and let go and let be and get my peace back.  I want to be in a better position, but I a am at peace with where I am at in my inner work right now.”

“I have some unlearning and relearning to do.”

“I work to become conscious of my patterns without judgment.”

“I am actively re-parenting myself to create new relationships.”

“Who ‘I am’ is a perception based on my conditioning.”

Accountability requires awareness. Without the awareness of your self-rejection, there is no room for acceptance. 

See the video below and my YouTube Channel for more!

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Check out my blog’s Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website:

Published by Pursue You

Life, Relationship, and Spiritual Coach. I also coach soul connections such as twin flames and soulmates.

6 thoughts on “The Difference Between Self-Blame and Self-Accountability [Read this if you are stuck on your spiritual or twin flame journey]

  1. This sounds a little like the difference between the accusations from the devil and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. They both deal with past sin, but there’s a way to tell the difference: The Holy Spirit will tell you what to do now, and the devil will just leave you wallowing in self-loathing. At least that has been my experience.

    Liked by 1 person

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